This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
So drunk its hurt
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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