fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
