Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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