sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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