goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
