Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize