help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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