I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
