One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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