I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
