Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
