Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
