omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
