We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everyone says I win the strip club
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
