I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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