he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize