Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
