I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
