I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
