she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
