What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
you will always have a special place in my vag
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
