Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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