Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
