I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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