i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
