im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
