I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize