There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
