sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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