Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
