either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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