I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
