rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
