My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize