M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
