I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
