I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
