hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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