i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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