Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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