One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
