walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Randomize
