it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
