I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
