Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
