She's JV to your varsity
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just invented taco cereal.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
