My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
