Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
