fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Me too!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
