u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Boobs speak an international language.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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