I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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