I must be too annoying 4 u.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
