Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
