I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's JV to your varsity
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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