My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
