mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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