Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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