Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
