If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
