It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This is my gift to your gina
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
