STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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