True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize