My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
