she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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