woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This is the high leading the old right now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
