I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Another day, another engagement, another cat
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
