Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
