I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
