HIV tests are more positive than that guy
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
