..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
