you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She's the barista slut.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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