wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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