remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
