Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Randomize
