Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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