I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
