Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
