The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
