my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
