return my video game
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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