Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
