Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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