4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
