the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
