So drunk its hurt
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize
